“Nobody cries at the end of the movie about a guy who wants a volvo.” -Donald Miller from “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.” (the current book I’m reading)

My version: “Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a girl who wants a minivan.”
I failed to write my own story…at least one that was interesting. I was trying to stuff myself in a mold that I didn’t fit in. Writing what I thought was supposed to be my story…the supposed perfect suburban lifestyle.
My story went something like this: Girl goes to college. Girl meets good boy. Girl gets married in church. Girl has babies. Girl stays home to care for babies while boy seeks corporate success. Girl gets minivan. Girl wears sensible shoes. The End.
Boy leaves girl. The Beginning.
Here’s an idea I have for the opening segment of my book…
A Camera is panning Washington DC from above. There’s a man coming home from a long overseas business trip in a plane wringing his hands…looking out the window…he sees the US Capital Building, Washington Monument, and Lincoln Memorial…then he gets in a town car…travels west out of the city through traffic into beautiful suburbia with groomed landscaping, green grass, a swimming pool crowded with families. The car stops at a brick home with blue shutters, an American Flag by the front door, red and white Geraniums flanking the front door in red pots. Inside there’s a woman making dinner while holding a newborn baby girl, two other children are dancing around her excited for Daddy to come home…but he’s late…
The woman puts the kids to bed and leaves dinner waiting on the table. The man finally walks in and looks desheveled. Something is very wrong. He eats dinner, sits on the couch next to his wife and finally gets the courage to spit it out, “I’m leaving you.”
“Tonight?” She says.
The man, “Yes”
“Well we’re out of milk.” She says.
That woman was me.
What a ridiculous thing to say, but practical considering at the time I had a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 8 week old baby asleep upstairs. I was so blindsided and shocked that’s the only thing that came out of my mouth. He left to get milk. I called my best friend and fell to the floor screaming. I woke up the baby.
My friend took me upstairs to bed, I kept screaming in my pillow, she picked up my baby, and waited by the front door for him to come home. She took the milk while holding my baby swaddled in a pink blanket, and said to him, “Don’t make it hard on her, just leave.”
He called out to me…I didn’t answer…he left. And that’s where my story really begins.
How did I get myself into this? My therapist describes it as a car accident…you don’t see it coming, and when it happens you can’t drive yourself crazy saying if only I had left 5 minutes earlier…it just happens. It’s how you move on that matters.
I think I was scared of writing my own story. I was young when I got married. I was scared of getting and finding a journalism job right out of college. I was scared of living life on my own. I didn’t know I could write my own story.
Now I know… I’m writing… and chucking the sensible shoes for platform wedges. :-)
“Life is pure adventure…the sooner we realize that we are able to treat life as art.” - Maya Angelou



May 12, 2011 @ 11:22:17
*in tears* God bless you and your courage. You will be uplifting to so many others who feel so alone. My best friend’s divorce is now final and she (like you) has come a LONG way. But I think I will share your story with her. To know we are not alone in this world is such a blessing. I know God is sufficient for all of our needs. But when pain is raw and comes at you like jet plane, you need to know that another human being has been through what you just experienced. *hugssssss* Thank you Amanda, for just being you. One of these days I want to give you a real life hug. <3
May 12, 2011 @ 11:52:05
Hugs to you, my dear friend Amanda. I am so proud of you for making it through the past months and coming out with a new lease on life. You are truly inspirational, and I hope you continue writing your story.
May 12, 2011 @ 11:59:05
Here’s what I think: We see the movies, right? The man and the woman whose lives are uncertain and quite possibly a mess. Then they meet, fall in love, maybe get married, and everything is finally good and whole… and the movie is over. They don’t show that couple 2, 5, 10, 20 years down the road when something is broken, when connections have disconnected, when kids and jobs and schedules have taken their toll. Weddings are not always at our strongest time. I got married when I’d been laid off, fired, and then just finished grad school and was not yet fully-employed with my new degree. I think if I’d gotten married today, things would be different. For now we are happy. Time will tell.
In either case, your story gives people strength. You are admirable, remarkable, and live life fully. I have recently started to try to follow in those footsteps. I am often frustrated that my husband won’t join me on some activities. Well, then, I will do it myself. Anna and I will benefit. Why wait around? Why let someone else determine our lives? We only have one. Live boldly. Thank you for showing us how to do that.
May 18, 2011 @ 15:43:05
Thank you Julie! Love you!
May 12, 2011 @ 20:19:54
Oh, Amanda, I know I’ve said it before, but wow…You inspire me. I’m not the most open and transparent person in the world, but seeing you open yourself up for all of us to see, makes me WANT to be that.
“It’s how you move on that matters.” I LOVE that. How true.
Thank you, dear friend, for sharing, thank you for YOUR story, and thank you for simply being YOU. You’re AMAZING and I love you!
May 18, 2011 @ 15:42:24
Thank you so much. God is sustaining me. He gets all the credit. Love you.
Aug 17, 2011 @ 09:45:14
I’m so sorry for your pain. I, like you, was blindsided 16 yrs. ago as well sans 3 kids. You have a perservering spirit and God is honoring that in you, it’s a beautiful thing to see. Prayers for you and yours as you make your new life in a new place.
I view my calling as a professional mom too, there are some really great books written with that in mind, Professionalizing Motherhood was one I read early on. Thank you for using your platform to express the calling that is motherhood.
God Bless you Amanda, looking forward to hearing more from you on KLOVE.
Aug 18, 2011 @ 12:01:20
Amanda…my heart goes out to you. I don’t know you personally, but my heart truly aches for you. I will keep you in my prayers as if you were a close personal friend. May the good Lord continue to bless and keep you.
Nov 07, 2011 @ 18:34:00
beauty from the ashes…………
Nov 27, 2011 @ 20:04:40
if you don’t mind me asking what led to the divorce? I keep saying as a middleeastern scared out of my mind to leave woman and am christian I cant help but feel like I have neared the end it is a hard end and I just dont know what to do and we have two young children I want to before I have a nervous breakdown
Feb 11, 2012 @ 15:22:26
Amanda, your experience is both heart wrenching and courageous. I have lived it as well. My wife of 13 years “dropped the bomb” last January that she was having an affair with another man. Two months later, she left me and our two adopted children to live with her boyfriend where she remains today. No one, including me, had any clue beforehand that she was considering an affair yet alone unhappy in our marriage. She worked hard to project herself as the model Christian wife. I think your milk comment was briliant and articulate! I had to leave for a 4-mile winter walk to process and keep from exploding in front of the kids. The good news is that my “car accident” brought me to Christ who was there for me in my hour of need – there is absolutely no doubt. During the last year I have continued my walk with the Lord in an effort to truly learn His lesson for me in all of this. That lesson looks something like this – give yourself totally to Him and He will take care of you (and my kids), no matter what. God is good. God Bless and welcome to K-Love!